Grass Vanishes from San Antonio Rugby Pitch: Is the City Colluding with the Sun?

SAN ANTONIO—A baffling mystery has struck the home of San Antonio Rugby at 746 Morningview Drive, leaving players, coaches, and spectators scratching their heads (and their sunburnt scalps). The once-lush green expanse of the rugby pitch has seemingly vanished overnight, replaced by a dusty, barren wasteland fit more for tumbleweeds than tackling drills.

Local players first noticed the disappearance early Monday morning when they arrived for training only to find their beloved pitch had turned into something resembling the surface of Mars. “I put my cleats on, took a step, and was immediately hit with a cloud of dust,” said flanker Richard “Dry Boots” Bazzini. “At first, I thought I had heatstroke, but no—there was just no grass left. It’s all gone.”

While theories abound, some within the club have begun pointing fingers at an unlikely duo: the City of San Antonio and the Sun itself. “It’s no secret that our city has a special relationship with excessive heat,” said head coach Clifford Davidson. “The Sun’s been on a tear this year, and we’re starting to suspect that City officials struck some kind of backroom deal to ensure our field never sees a drop of moisture.”

Indeed, the evidence is compelling. Multiple sources have reported that nearby parks, golf courses, and even highway medians seem to have retained their greenery, while the Morningview pitch has been mysteriously forsaken. Adding fuel to the conspiracy, recent city water restrictions have made it virtually impossible for the club to irrigate the field without risking a hefty fine—or worse, a sternly worded letter from City Hall.

When pressed for answers, a spokesperson from the San Antonio Parks and Recreation Department gave a cryptic response: “The City of San Antonio remains committed to sustainability, and we encourage all citizens to embrace the natural beauty of our unique environment.” The Sun, for its part, refused to comment, choosing instead to continue its merciless campaign of baking the city into submission.

Despite the dire conditions, the San Antonio Rugby teams remain undeterred. “If we can’t play on grass, we’ll play on dirt,” declared club captain Ryan “Princess” Rackley. “And if the City and the Sun are in cahoots, we’ll just have to work on our dust-diving technique.”

Until the mystery is solved—or until the next freak thunderstorm rolls through—San Antonio Rugby will continue its season on the only turf available: whatever’s left of Morningview Drive’s scorched earth. In the meantime, club officials have put out a desperate plea to any local rain dancers willing to lend their services.

If you have any information regarding the disappearance of the Morningview grass, please contact the San Antonio Rugby Club. Reward: one complimentary Gatorade, flavor of your choice (provided it's not already evaporated).